Future?  What future?  This time tomorrow I’ll be dead and I bet there’re more than a few people who’ll say it’s been a long time coming.  So this voice in my head tellin’ me that the future’s gonna be better than the past don’t know what it’s talkin’ about.  Then again, what have I got to live for?  The only thing keepin’ me goin’ some days was the thought of revenge, and I didn’t even have the guts for that.  I can just hear my old man laughin’ when he realized his unwanted wife and half-breed mistake had run out on him.  Thing is, though, I don’t understand why he married my mama if he didn’t love her.  Not that I’ll ever get the chance to ask him. 

There goes that voice again.  Why the hell can’t it leave me alone?  It ain’t as if I’m scared of dyin’.  Hell, death’s been chasin’ me since I was a kid.  Always knew it would catch up with me one day.  I wonder what it’s like – Lancer?  Mama said it was real pretty, not like those dry, dusty little villages where I grew up.  But, what’s the point of livin’ some place beautiful if you’re not loved and wanted?  Still, it would have been nice to see it.

I reckon it’ll be dawn soon.  It feels kinda strange knowin’ I won’t see another day.  I wish I could’ve died with a gun in my hand.  Pull yourself together Madrid!  All I’ve got left is my dumb pride and that’ll have to be enough.  I’ll look those bastards in the eye when they pull the trigger and I’ll die knowin’ I tried to help some nice people.  That’s something…isn’t it?  Dios!  It has to be.

Future?  What future?

The End

Caroline

February 08