Characters: Scott Lancer with appearances by Johnny and Murdoch Lancer, Glory, Frank, Zee, Cipriano, Cooley
Rating: Gen, Humor
Spoilers: Entire series with specific references to “The High Riders ,Glory, Last Train for Charlie Poe, Zee, The Black Angel, Blue Skies for Willie Sharpe and The Lawman.”
Status: Complete
Word Count: 1048
Disclaimer: Lancer doesn't belong to me. I'm only saddling them up for a 'ride' or 7. I will return them to CBS, Twentieth Century Fox and Samuel A. Peeples when we're done. Not mine. No copyright infringement intended. This was written for fun only. No profit made.
A/N’s: THE USER’S GUIDE AND MANUAL FOR Scott Lancer. This idea is not mine. I completely stole it if I knew who thought up the idea of character “user guides” I would certainly credit them. I borrowed it from evil_jaquie.


THE USER’S GUIDE AND MANUAL FOR
Scott Lancer (patent pending)
Copyright Old West Peacekeepers Ltd.
G.P. Daydreamer, Chief Technical Advisor


Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a Lancer - Scott Lancer unit. In order to obtain maximum enjoyment from your handsome, well-mannered, multi-talented, rancher please follow the instructions below.

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

NAME: Scott Lancer
Sometimes referred to as Son; Brother; “Boston”; Scott; and Scotty (by his maternal grandfather.)
TYPE: Human (male)
MANUFACTURERS: Old West Peacekeepers Ltd.
HEIGHT: 6' 1" (1.85 m)
LENGTH: Gratification guaranteed
COLOUR: Gorgeous blue -gray eyes, ash blond hair
VOICE: Honey smooth baritone


ACCESSORIES

Your Scott Lancer unit comes with Bostonian charm, fancy gray suit with velvet trim along with matching gray kid gloves and bowler hat; yellow turtleneck; plaid pants; a collection of hats including the “pseudo-African hunter chapeau with the leopard hat band”; an assortment of shirts in earth tone colors – beige (some checkered, some not), dark blue and white (some ruffled, some checkered and some not); brown, “trim cloth pants with neat slits in the cuffs to allow for his boots.”; various, finely-tailored corduroy jackets with suede shoulders including the short brown jacket and the longer tan-colored jacket; a red kerchief; several pairs of boots and yellow work gloves; a pair of white longjohns; numerous black tie ribbons; plain black leather gunbelt with holster worn on right hip; a set of “cavalry-type, small spurs.”* The Scott Lancer deluxe model includes his Chestnut horse; the Remmie unit;** rifle; formal black tails and black top hat.

OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS

Your Scott Lancer unit has been designed to be user-friendly. His controls are voice activated and will respond to suggestions in English, Fan adulation Speak, French, Latin and a smattering of basic Spanish words.

Besides being an honorable rancher and a big brother and son extraordinaire, your Scott Lancer unit is multi-faceted and has various other uses.

Equestrian:
Your Scott Lancer unit displays superb horsemanship skills which he honed during his time in the Cavalry. He is also able to ride his Remmie unit and the Barranca unit*** with ease. The Scott Lancer unit has jumped fences and herded cattle while occasionally riding the Barranca unit.

Boxer:
Your Scott Lancer unit has a mean right hook which the Johnny Madrid Lancer unit and the Cooley unit****can attest to.

Strategist/Tactician:
Your Scott Lancer unit is a smart, effective strategist. The Murdoch Lancer unit, ***** the Johnny Madrid Lancer unit and the Cipriano unit****** can all verify this for you.

Rifle Sharpshooter:
Your Scott Lancer unit demonstrates excellent sharp shooting skills when wielding a rifle - especially when the unit is protecting his younger sibling, the Johnny Madrid Lancer Unit.

Knight of the Old West:
Your Scott Lancer unit is a champion and defender of children, gentlemen and damsels in distress – no matter the cost or sacrifice to himself. This is a trait which he shares with his brother, the Johnny Madrid Lancer unit.

Hay-Stacker:
Your Scott Lancer unit shows a wonderful knack for stacking bales of hay. If he is stacking hay in particularly hot weather, the unit unbuttons his shirt allowing for sneak peeks at his bare chest. But please do not let the Glory unit******* near him at this time as she tries to distract him from his hay stacking duties.

Train Robber:
Your Scott Lancer unit along with the Johnny Madrid Lancer unit became one-time train robbers. In the style of Robin Hood, the Lancer brother units stole a falsified land deed from a corrupt sheriff to return the deed to its proper owners.

Deputy:
Your Scott Lancer unit became a one time deputy after capturing a would –be- thief. .Keeping the Zee unit******** locked up until her legal trial could begin was a trial of the Scott Lancer unit’s patience and duty.

Fishermen:
Your Scott Lancer unit displays a talent for fishing and it is a relaxing pastime for the unit until his brother the Johnny Madrid Lancer unit begins shooting at the fish.

Piano Player:
Your Scott Lancer unit plays the piano to the appreciative audience of his father, the Murdoch Lancer Unit and the Widow Hargis unit********* though he admits he is rusty because it has been a number of years since he has practiced the piano.

Note - We must advise caution when leaving your Scott Lancer unit unattended for a period of time. The unit is prone to being shot at. One time after the Scott Lancer unit had been shot off his horse, the Murdoch Lancer unit and Frank unit********** sheltered him between two boulders. Also, the Johnny Madrid Lancer unit does not take kindly to the Scott Lancer unit being shot at or threatened. And you do know that riling the Johnny Madrid Lancer unit is not good for your health, don’t you?

MAINTENANCE

The Scott Lancer unit requires frequent cleaning and grooming. We recommend relaxing soaks in a tub of warm water, plus morning and evening ablutions when work on the ranch and cattle drives permit. Also recommended is some quiet time for him to enjoy his reading. In fact the Scott unit may courteously request all of the above.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q. My Scott unit with the unbuttoned shirt will not stop stacking hay?

It appears one of the default chips in your Scott Lancer unit overloaded due to your Scott’s unit’s acquaintance with the Glory unit. When you are ready to stop ogling your Scott unit reset the “chores” chip of this unit and he will once again resume all of his regular chores.

Q. My Scott unit will not stop strategizing?

The chip is another preset chip of this unit, if you wish to deflect it have the Murdoch Lancer unit or Johnny Madrid Lancer unit challenge the Scott Lancer unit to a game of chess. The chess match restores the strategizing chip back to normal.

Q. My Scott unit will not stop reading?

The reading chip is one more default chip of this unit. If he will not stop reading the chip may be caught in a continuous loop, adjust and reset the reading chip and he should be back to his usual default settings.

Final Note

Old West Peacekeeper Ltd. is not liable for any damages your Scott unit may cause during escape attempts from outlaws and desperados.


The End


*Detailed Accessories perused and accessory phrases in “ ” are directly from the tvwestern.com Lancer costume page; other details were found at the Lancer Library.


**Remmie (short for Rembrandt) unit named by Winj. And Remmie is used with her gracious permission. Thank you Winj.

*** Barranca unit is the golden palomino horse of the Johnny Madrid Lancer unit.

****Cooley unit is one of Pardee’s men or a “land pirate” that tried to take Lancer by force.

*****Murdoch Lancer unit is the Scott Lancer and the Johnny Madrid Lancer units’ father.

******Cipriano unit is the head foreman of the Lancer ranch.

*******Glory unit is a con woman who tried to con the Lancer family units especially the Scott Lancer unit.

********Zee unit is a female thief whom The Scott Lancer unit had to jail and then defend against a famous outlaw.

*********Widow Hargis unit is a store owner into whose custody the Zee unit has been paroled.

**********Frank unit is a Lancer ranch hand.